confusion is like a glass bowl
pressurized and fused around my emotions
increase the pressure and increase the intensity
decrease it and it draws them out
they confuse me
though they all want me to be happy, to some extent
it doesn't change the frustration I feel
with Steph, I only recently realized I would never see her again
she was my first deep love
I always wonder if she really loved me
and so I look back at the relationship
wistfully, at the good times
regretfully at the bad
and confused at why it happened like that
she had her own charm, but she didn't love me
or she wasn't loyal at all
while I am feircely loyal
she tr
I suppose I am what you might call a fool
living as if this was a new world
when you are with me
it was so easy to fool myself
into believing it WAS a new world
that I was a new man
in a new world
but there was that itching sensation
at the back of my neck
telling me that something was waiting
something unpleasant, and most out of my control
I had deja vu
I saw it happening in my mind
then it happened again
just like before
deja vu all over again
she may be a different girl
it may be different circumstances
or perhaps, it is exactly the same
back to the beginning
how did it begin?
she walked into my life with that winning
I used to be
dead and stagnant
never changing, never caring
never expecting, never hoping
never living, never dying
immortally dead
then suddenly
outside of my control
I was pulled
into this life
where every day is something new
and every kiss is romantic
every breath I take
is of clean fresh air
and everything I see
is too perfect
how do I handle such blessings and luck?
I don't know
such a wonderful girl
the one who has me
I'll enjoy it I guess
she's amazing and good to me
doesn't run around with other men
doesn't act crazy
doesn't try and trick me into marrying her
so different than before
so much better
she tell
Look beyond reality
Beyond fantasy,
To see what is
You must see what isn't
To know the truth
Lies must be exposed
Green Grass, Peaceful Sleep
Not all that is reasonable is true
The common perspective is not a clear view
Smooth talk and promised rewards cloud the mind
Wasted time, broken dreams
The true self hidden
Potential talent destroyed
Knowledge sought over wisdom
Foolish souls don't know what they have lost
False happiness, like a mask from pain
Seek wisdom and know who you are
The story of us: this far by overcomeenough, literature
Literature
The story of us: this far
The story of us:(cliche title, yes, but deal with it)
We met on a whim,
On a warm Autumn's day.
I smiled, He kissed me;
And has yet to turn away.
My heart was troubled,
I was worrisome, too.
I didn't want to hurt him,
And feared a love all new.
I pushed, He pulled;
And finally I just fell,
Right into his arms.
He held me tight, and lovingly.
He loves me so,
And I him.
He's that man I've dreamed of,
Since I was ten.
Through laughter, movies,
And tickle fights, too;
I never knew finding your destiny,
Could be so much fun.
On the night we joined;
There was nothing,
But love to be found.
Love, as it was meant to be.
Current Residence: Tulsa Oklahoma Favourite genre of music: Rock Alternative Favourite style of art: abstract and surreal art Operating System: Windows XP Favourite cartoon character: Cosgrove Personal Quote: The common perspective is not a clear view
Favourite Movies
Hair
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
Lemon Demon
Favourite Writers
Kurt Vonnegut
Favourite Games
Tetris
Tools of the Trade
Photoshop, microsoft works, paint, microsoft picture manager
Other Interests
the human brain and what it can do, writing, and hiking
I've done a bit of art with my life recently, I fixed two large military trunks, I should probably decorate them. For now I'm going to make the same promise I always make, when next month comes around I'll work on it. For now I'm enjoying the last month of summer (though not of course, because of it being summer), and hoping I get into this class in the fall. Oh, and I'm going to try to learn to play an instrument, hopefully. This is my last year unmarried, which is both a good and hard thing. Still, I'm grateful for the situation.
You all probably know that this is more for my use than for yours at this point
at this particular singular point which we are passing, no one really reads this, so it's so much more for the author than for the readers
nevertheless, I blather on like an idiot about that
I'll stop that now
I've decided that art is my sort of therapy to deal with difficult feelings and situations
lets take my romantic life for instance, the better it gets, the more work I need to do on it, and the more work I do on it, the better it gets. at some point it's going to get unbearably wonderful
I get this feeling that no one is really in control of where my l
one month I've been unofficially engaged to the love of my life
five months of joy and happiness she's brought me
two years away (in the past) from some of the biggest decisions, mistakes, and other choices of my life
I love her very much, and I am very proud of her, and will be very proud to have her as my wife. She brings my heart so much joy and peace, and I just can't seem to say it enough. she wants me to be healthy, she cares about me. I have a reason to live, actually, I have several, and I can't think of any better.